Mothering with an open heart and a love that is more than love is what I embody. It is what I was born to do. Today with my high expectations, I went down hard, and it hurt. These past (almost) four months I have been trying to live up to the "you make it look easy" expectation, and today I failed. I failed because mothering three little ones is everything, but easy, and I should know better. The simple reality is that mothering is hard, period. Today I am admitting that having three little ones is hard. It's been really hard. I am working harder than I have ever worked in my life. I have given up conveniences, to create experiences, and in the midst of tears, diapers, and difficult moments, I am trying to make it look easy. Today was extremely hard to feel thankful and grateful ( and I was feeling so guilty because my feelings picked a wrong day to feel everything I was feeling specially because a lot of people lost their loved ones in the Las Vegas mass shooting) because when you're physically and mentally exhausted you can't think clear. I did what I felt I needed to do. I told my husband I couldn't do it, took off my " I can do it all" hat, and slept for 6 hours straight! Lack of sleep and trying to live up to a certain expectation did this to me. These feelings didn't just show up today, they've been an accumulation of different things that lead up to this. Maybe had I paid attention to them earlier on I could have prevented today's breakdown, maybe I needed this break down? What I know for sure is that there will be more moments like these because I am only human. But I have learned to give myself the support I need, to admit when it is hard and not try to cover it up. I want to continue to have more good parenting moments, work at it, day after day. Today I wasn't the mother my children needed, but tomorrow is a new start. "I am an amazing mother, and I don't have to do it all to be amazing"m.l .....
Ps. All of our lives are different, and it is important to remember that. The number of children you have does not determine if you are allowed to break down or not. 1, 2, 3 or 4, YOU are allowed. This little message is for my mommas who have one child, and or are new mothers. I want you to know that YOU are inspiring, you have started a beautiful journey that is your very own, and you are allowed to "complain"/have difficult moments. With every one of those moments you will learn something and will come out stronger.
"One day at a time, & enjoy the journey"